Chinglish Outburst!

 Well, here we are with a fine selection of mislabeled local merchandise.  Now, I have to admit that this first one isn't exactly orthodox Chinglish, but it certainly wasn't anything I'd seen before coming out here, or since (anywhere else).  I can just imagine a full blown commercial - sexy models chugalugging freshly popped cans o'sparagus juice in the midst of generalized beach revelry.  Actually, there may well have been such a commercial... But, judging by the look of the can, I'd say it would've been well before my time.

 Working up the list, we have "Intoxicating" whiskey.  The actual English on the label isn't that bad, but the name made me laugh as I passed it in the local grocery store.  I suppose it's a good thing that you know exactly what you're getting into before you buy one of these badboys and polish it off on the drive to work.

   Moving along to actual sentences, here's a bag of multi-grains.  I suppose this might not seem that funny to people who don't have a longstanding and humorous relationship with the word vigorous, but that would be their loss.

  Ok, this one should need very little explanation from me.  Just to let you see it as I did, in the same market as the "Intoxicating" whiskey, inconspicuously on the shelf, I've included a zoomed out photo.  I should probably point out that all of these pictures are taken on my phone.  Having a phone that could take photos that weren't a mass of grey pixels was actually what began all of this.  For, I didn't usually have the foresight, nor disposition, to carry around and pull out a camera in the middle of a grocery.  The greatest benefit of this is if someone walks by whilst you're looking like a complete moron laughing to yourself and taking pictures of tinned goods or snackables of one sort or another, you can sort of fake that you're just caught up in some very important and complex phone-tartliness.  Which is marginally less embarrassing.

 

  Well, here we are at the last, for this post, entry.  It's certainly a much more full on and complete specimen.  I like to just let my eyes gloss over it and pick up the random floating large fonts.  If read out loud in this haphazard way, it might actually sound like an accurate reenactment of marketing brainstorm that produced this thing.  With a name like Absolute Superiority, one can only hope that it will, indeed, satisfy with every picky mouth.